Looking through My Nephew’s Eyes

  

Krakun and me posing by his painting for the
"Panagrikna" exhibit at The Nook Kitchen & Pub 

There's something about looking through my nephew's eyes that tells me, "Though the world is dark and cruel, and it always will be no matter how much love and light exist in some parts of it, one tiny ray of light may be all it takes to pierce through a person's pitch-black space. That may be all they need to find other openings to let more light in."

My nephew Sakrakun (or Naph as he is known to many) is such a gifted little boy. At eight, he has taught me things that not even adults and elders know or probably know but will never speak of. He has a very fearless and generous spirit, and he asks incredible, sometimes surprising, questions that often make me stop and really think about the answers to.

Outsiders looking in may see a young child who can't stop moving or stay in one place for more than five minutes, who loves to jump and run and play nonstop, who gets distracted easily and constantly has a flight of ideas. I see a boy who does not hold back in saying, "I love you” and “I miss you," who told me when he was around four, "Don't be scared, I'm here," who was the first person to tell me when I tried face painting, "Tita, you're such a art" (yeah, he said "a art"😄), who likes to hug and offer comfort when the people he loves are sad or upset.

It seems there are two worlds inside this young boy's mind, if not more. One where there's a label for what he's going through to make others understand why he is the way he is; another where he's just a kid figuring out life every day with the unique gifts and big heart he has, where he can be himself authentically in his purest form.

Don't forget to follow Krakun Arts! :)

I support him and his passion for many reasons, the top one being that I'm his family and he deserves my support because I love him no matter what. But I also want him to see I'm there for him in all his worlds, both when he's shining like a star through his art and when he's telling people there are “sparks” or “spikes” in his brain. Yep, that's what he calls them when he's had too much sugar. It's actually endearing, but I know it's much more serious than that. ADHD is a real problem that many kids and adults have and oftentimes fail to get help for. 

One tiny ray of light may be all it takes to pierce 

through a person's pitch-black space.

An honest dilemma I have is I'm still at a loss on how to tell or guide him when he does or says something that isn't necessarily wrong but may overstep others' boundaries. You know, the rules of social conduct that we all lose track of from time to time, or the WWJD (what would Jesus do) moments in our lives because none of us are perfect. I have yet to figure out "how to auntie" if and when that happens. I feel like, as someone who has some sort of influence in his life, I'm accountable in a way. 

I cannot count the times I've been told or made to feel, even by family, friends, and relatives, that having a mental disorder isn't something I should be unapologetic for. While ADHD is a whole other thing, I can't help but think my nephew might experience similar prejudices growing up, and I'm genuinely fearful for him about the reality that I continue to keep making adjustments with regard to my mental disorders to not be a burden to those around me. The sad reality is that I may have to be apologetic all my life for something that isn't my fault, and that's how I feel Krakun and I are the same. 

On one hand, I admire his courage to be unapologetically himself at his age (I wish I was the same when I was eight). On the other, I pray that there would always be space for empathy to help him acknowledge the same right that others have where they can also be unapologetically themselves or have boundaries just like he should. 

I'm extremely proud that even now he's learning to be considerate and sensitive. He's just a kid after all. He'll definitely learn from so many experiences in the future. All I can do now is to be present in his life. 

Sakrakun and Akayya

To my dearest Sakrakun,

One day I might not be around anymore. I might be gone in this life, or my mind might be. When that happens, I hope you know wherever life takes us that you make me so proud and grateful that you're a part of my life. You are enough and loved whether or not you do all these great things you're doing now. For whatever you choose to do in the future, I'm here to cheer you on. For whatever you choose not to do, I'm here to celebrate your courage in making that choice.

Always and forever,

Tita